If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
