i think my tv is drunk
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
