I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
