i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
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AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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