My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
