in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
