and you said cock pushups were impossible
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
