So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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