What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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