Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize