haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
