Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
