yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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