It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
