Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
