last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish there were birth control emojis
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
