No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
