You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
be right there i have to get my cape
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
