Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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