Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
