I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
