How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
