I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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