Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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