I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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