She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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