worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
