we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
