You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
