Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
