She's JV to your varsity
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
