When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
