So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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