I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
