have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
