My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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