the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
