Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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