some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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