I faked an abortion last night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
