Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
