Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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