when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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