You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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