he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
