Umm I'm too high to move.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
