do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
