I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
