a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
