it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
