Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
