Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
