U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
