The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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