I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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