im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
