He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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