I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate all girls vehemently.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
