youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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