i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
