Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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