i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
