My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
