Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
