How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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