Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
