we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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