im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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