At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
